Sunday, March 21, 2010

Why I blog

So, this is my 100th post! Yay! And in honor of it being my 100th post... I want to talk about why I blog.

First, I need an outlet for all my crazy besides JD. He's long-suffering and awesome, but writing things down and making them concrete has a different kind of satisfaction to it. I've always found that speaking and writing really help me to solidify my views-- being challenged, being forced to put it into words.

So why the internet? Why blog instead of just use a paper diary? Well, for one, I enjoy typing and the ability to view my words and do some editing. I do keep a paper journal, but that has details of my actual life-- I don't discuss friendships or my relationship here, as much as I get tempted to. I try to keep away from whining or being passive aggressive and stick to discussing ideas, news, trends-- things I notice in the world, or that friends point out to me, instead of things that are truly personal.

So, why feministy topics? Well, for one, I'm a woman. That means things that affect women end up being of particular importance to me. I'm also very interested in civil rights that don't affect me-- gay rights and prison reform being some of the big things that get my mind. I've also become more aware of the ways that society is biased against women. I have some wonderful parents who were extremely egalitarian growing up, so I didn't really have anything to chafe against there-- and when I was in school, well, I was an awkward nerd who hung out mostly with other girls, so I didn't really see a lot of sexist sentiments. And honestly, my friends and I were weird enough that dating topics weren't even some of our concerns. But in recent years, I've seen more and more sexism, both on the internet and in real life-- and while I do see some misandry, I see far, far more misogyny in real life, and I see it in such a casual context that it seems like people have internalized it.

So I want to get thinking more about feminist topics and the way society depicts gender roles-- even in TV, where men are often depicted as idiots and women as shrews. I have a huge problem with that sort of thing, and I'm totally willing to share that annoyance.

Plus, even though this blog is essentially aimed at friends, it gives me kind of a "whoa" shock when other people find my blog, and when I see a day where someone has linked to it and I get a ton of hits in a day. So I guess vanity comes into it a bit too.

But overall-- it's really just the enjoyment of writing and crystallizing thought and the idea of a huge worldwide conversation where someone from anywhere might see my blog-- and maybe even comment on it.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Today, I compared abortion to a couch


If you're on this entry, you're probably here via The Antifeminist.  Please don't just leave.  Take the time to read some of my entries, and evaluate them.  I'm not some insane person who hates men.  The post you were directed to has, obviously, a rather flippant title, but it's actually a post about talking about major life decisions with your partner.  It's here, if you still want to read it, and it hasn't been altered in any way, despite the claims of The Antifeminist.  But please, while you're here, read some other posts.  Feel free to leave comments, though please adhere to my comment policy.  Feel free to email me, too, at and I'll get back to you.

That post about how women in serious relationships should think about chatting with their partners before they get an abortion.

Today, I compared deciding whether to get an abortion to deciding whether to buy a couch.

And shockingly, no one was offended. I think. I hope.

But what it came out of was class discussion-- we were discussing the morality of abortion, and I mentioned that I have zero moral qualms about abortion, and zero moral qualms about not informing the man involved of the pregnancy/abortion. Although, remember, in my perfect world men would be able to sign off on all parental rights and obligations after a certain time period of learning about the pregnancy/child. But still, zero.

The professor then asked, well, in my current situation, since I'm engaged, what would I do? Would I discuss it with my partner.

Of course I would. To me, this situation is very different than if I were single, or we weren't serious about each other. But we're going to get married in a year. We're sharing a life together. As such, his opinions matter too, on all important decisions-- and I said that, just like I wouldn't go get a $1000 couch without talking to him, I wouldn't get an abortion without consulting him first. So, yeah, I compared abortion to buying a couch. Because they're both decisions with financial implications. Obviously, the decision about whether or not to have a child is worlds apart from whether or not to redecorate-- but my point about communication remains. I don't think a single woman has any obligation to tell the man about her abortion-- or even any obligation if she has the child, to tell him about it. I honestly think we put far too much emphasis, as a society, on genetic relationships as opposed to relationships of emotions and caring. I get that it's a biological imperative to spread your genes, but just because it shares some DNA with you doesn't mean you're going to be an awesome parent.

Whether or not to become a parent is something you really have to think about-- and if you have a partner, it's only fair that you include them too, since it will affect your lives together and not just you.