I am the product of divorce. Not of my parents-- my parents have been married for around 40 years, but if it weren't for the availability of divorce in America, they wouldn't be. My mother is my father's second wife, and while his first marriage produced a couple of pretty cool women (my older sisters), the woman he married just didn't work with him.
So I totally think divorce should be available.
I just think it's treated way too casually today. Divorce should totally be available to anyone he is abused in any form, and anyone who really can not make things work with their partner. But.
But, I think the availability of divorce today makes people take less seriously the promises they make when they marry. We have a divorce rate that is popularly said to be around 50%, short lived celebrity marriages, and the idea that a prenup is more than a precaution, it's a necessity.
That all disturbs me.
I think marriage is awesome! I also think it's a serious thing, and not something to be entered into lightly. I know some people think I'm too young to be making this decision, but I really don't-- I'm confident that JD and I will get married, it will be awesome, and we will not get divorced. But I think for a lot of people, marriage is seen more as a... thing that could be awesome ,but if it doesn't work out, there's always divorce, and they always have a second shot.
Second chances are good, and I don't think there should be a stigma that attaches to people when they get a divorce, but I do think that if divorces weren't treated so casually, maybe, just maybe, we would treat marriage more seriously. As far as I'm concerned, you shouldn't get married unless you've thought about it a lot, are planning to stay together, and are prepared for things to suck at times, and ready to work through them. Do I think things will always be smooth when I get married, that JD and I will always agree, that everything will be easy?
I might be starry eyed, but please, I'm not that naive.
There will be times when things suck, and when things are hard, but we'll stick it out, because what we have is real-- and we're willing to work for it.
I feel like, regardless of how easy or difficult it actually is to get a divorce, if it weren't seen as such an easy option, that other people might be willing to wait to take on marriage until they find someone they're happy to struggle with, not just have easy times with. Settling in marriage is not just harmful to your relationship, it's harmful to you-- because you're sending the message that you don't deserve someone right, just someone ok, that you're willing to run away when things get tough, and that the long haul isn't as important to you.
It's super important that divorce remains available-- and affordable-- for people who do end up in unworkable marriages. But I think we also need a more realistic view of marriage-- so that people don't go into it thinking it's all a fairy-tale-- and ultimately, so that there are less divorces, and more happy marriages and happy singles-- and I totally think this issue is related to people not being happy single, which they should be, but--
In short, life is hard. It sucks sometimes. No one is perfect. So don't settle.
Marry the one who is right for you, so that you don't need to be another statistic in America's divorce game.