Sunday, March 4, 2012

passive/active language

Passive and active language, male vs female, i screwed her, she screwed me, i screwed him, he screwed me.

I remember a conversation I had one time, though I can't remember who I was talking to, where we discussed how men and women refer to each other in a sexual sense-- who takes the active role, who takes the passive. Whoever I was talking to insisted that men say they screw/fuck women, and women say they got screwed/fucked-- a very gendered way of using expression. That might be true for most people-- I don't know. But most people I know, men or women, tend to take the dominant role-- with some exceptions for individual experiences. I think this might be because the people I talk sex with tend to be highly educated and very liberal. We've all grown up in the culture that portrays men as dominant and women as submissive-- but for some reason, with the people I know, that doesn't seem to carry over into our sex lives, and the way we talk about it.

Of course, I don't actually know what happens in anyone else's bedroom. It could be that everyone I know acts out gender roles the way society teaches us-- but regardless of that, they don't talk about it that way. And that is enough to be interesting on its own. It says that, no matter what is actually happening, they want to be seen as being in control of their sexuality. I think this is a positive thing-- I think it's good to see people taking hold of their sexuality without shame.

Maybe the more open conversation about exploits will lead to a more open attitude about sex in general-- a more positive attitude, one with more gender equality. Or maybe it won't, I don't know-- I'm just a law student. But at least the lack of shame makes for more interesting conversations.

No comments: