Speculation is for suckers

One of the interesting things I've noticed on the internet is that, whether you're talking about sex in your own blog, or in the comments of some other site, people seem to think that whenever you say something about sex, it means that your own sex lie is up for speculation, questioning, and insults.

I so, so, do not agree with this attitude. I'd love for people to be able to talk about sex and sexuality openly, with no shame on either side. But... that seems likes it's not going to happen. Whenever people disagree on issues of sexuality, someone always comes out and says that someone on the other side just needs to get laid, or find a better partner, or have some other kind of orgasm. People immediately jump to the most cutting insults they can think of-- reducing someone to simply being a failure at sex, and therefore putting their role as a sexual object above any other trait they have. Sex is important-- one of the top three things couples fight about-- but the sex life of someone you're not involved with has nothing to do with you. And it should never be used as a tool to shame someone.

Talking about sex, blogging about sex, does not give anyone a right to speculate on your sex life. People on the internet are not the same thing as people you meet in real life-- they don't have the same context, they don't have the same background information, and they don't know what's going on. It would be a great world if eventually everyone could talk openly about their sex lives-- but as long as some people use even the slightest bit of sex info as a weapon, than sex isn't really a safe topic on the Internet.

I love talking about sexual health and sexuality, and the range of human experiences. But even without discussing my own sex life, I've managed to get insulting comments as the reactions to my posts (Mostly on a link to my blog from another source-- that I'm NOT going to give traffic to because, while the author is someone I respect, her commentors in that case are very much not), comments that cross the line into people speculating on and judging my sex life. It's a dangerous, misogynistic world out there on the Internet.

The horrifying part of it is the number of comments that come from other women and from individuals who claim to be feminists and sex positive/ I expect it from the readers of trashy sites. But it's horrifying to see it on feminist sites from people who should know better.